The Bumpy Road

Bump, baby and beyond!

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Tick Tock Goes The Biological Clock

So a friend of mine, for the sake of this post she’ll be called B, on facebook today raised an interesting issue… An issue that we both came at from completely different angles but both found to be an area of our lives that we felt somewhat judged by our peers and friends:

The issue of WHEN to have children.

I am 26 years old and married. I got married at 24 in 2011 and conceived baby a few days after my 26th birthday in 2012, we had been married a little over a year when we started trying.
B is a few days off turning 30 years old and married. She has been married for 3-4 months as I post this and has little to no interest at this present moment in motherhood for herself.

This morning B posted a link to this article on Mamamia.com.au Childless Women, Are they Selfish? and shared her personal experience of feeling alienated because she wasn’t feeling remotely clucky.

I read the article, which discusses the feelings of un-broody women in their 20’s and 30’s, and I think it’s an interesting read. It brings up and rightly defends a woman’s right to NOT bear children, discusses the feelings of judgement that these women can face and the labels that some felt that they wore in the eyes of others; “Selfish”, “Mean” and “Cold” or even “Unloving”. The article, coming from the angle of NOT wanting children, highlights the many successful women who have chosen to not have children and suggests hopping off the “baby bandwagon”. It points out that women who aren’t emotionally in the right space to have children are actually being supremely UNselfish by not bringing a baby into their situation, a statement I agree with wholeheartedly. Children are an immense responsibility and require a lot of your energy and resources from the moment they are born. I believe that you wanna make damn sure you are completely and wholly committed before making one of your own!

Interestingly, I have to come at this from a different angle… whilst I understand where these women are coming from, I have had the same problems from the polar opposite side.

I have often felt judged, although I don’t mean the word in it’s harshest sense, by my peers and friends FOR wanting children at my age. Most of the people in my life and certainly my school friends, myself included, all headed to University after finishing at school with the intention of getting a degree to land ourselves some kind of impressive career. For me personally, this was something I just went along with because my parents had handed over a fair amount of their hard earned dosh for my education and I got the grades to get in… I kind of felt obliged. The reality is, I have always imagined myself as a mother. That is not to say that I didn’t (and don’t still) want to be a successful independent woman. I want to be an independent woman, yes, but I also want to be a mother. In fact, since leaving Uni, most of my “career choices” have been angled towards setting myself up to be in a position to be both a successfully independent woman AND a mother. Have I had to sacrifice things to be in this position? 100% yes. I don’t earn as much as I would like/could because I chose to set up my own business so that I may work from home with the view to be able to rear my future children.

Similarly to women who may feel like they are looked down upon by their peers on the baby bandwagon for not wanting children by a certain age, I have felt looked down upon by my peers on the career bandwagon (or the party bandwagon, the travelling bandwagon and the list goes on) for wanting a child before a certain age. I had reactions ranging from shock through to mild disgust when I announced my pregnancy to friends my own age. I feel that women like me are labelled too. Labelled at worst as “unambitious” or even “lazy”, at best “traditional” or simply deemed as in some kind of unnecessary hurry. “What’s the rush?” they ask, “But we’re so YOUNG!”. I’ve heard things like “I would DIE if I fell pregnant in my 20’s”, or even “Well, if that’s the kind of woman you are, good for you”. All unfortunately said in tones of condemnation.

The reality is that I’m 26 years old. I’ll be 27 just a few months after my bub arrives. I’m not a baby. I have lived on the other side of the globe from my family for almost 4 years. I’ve been with my husband for most of that time. I was independent for years before that. I have rented and bought property without my husband. I have renovated and decorated with my husband. I have travelled, I have partied and I have learned (and continue to learn!) life lessons. My husband and I (and the bank) own our home and have secure jobs. I am not so naive to pretend that I am not young to have a child and I personally wouldn’t have chosen to do it any earlier…  But I resent being judged for choosing to do it now. So 26 isn’t old enough, yet women only a few years older than me are feeling under pressure to have already busted out a few babies… Tell me: When is the right time?

I guess this is the point of the whole post; Surely the time is right when you personally feel capable of giving yourself wholly over to the task of parenthood? We all have our own unique life stories playing out and develop our own expectations of what that will look like. I think it’s easy to project those expectations onto those around us, sometimes without even realising it; Be it the expectation to have children by a certain age, or to not have children before a certain age and that age seems to vary depending on who you speak to and what their lifestyle is like. How about we drop our preconceived ideas of what a “parent” looks like and let women (and their men) choose when it is right (IF it is right) for them.

Women without the desire to have children, you are not selfish or cold or unloving. Don’t hurry or buckle to societies expectations and don’t worry about your eggs… There are so many options if you do choose to have children in later life. Women desperate to have a family, you are not lazy or unambitious or too traditional and don’t let anyone make you feel that way. It’s an honourable calling to choose to give up your life in order to focus on another’s and without women like you, we as a human race, wouldn’t be here today.

We are all unique and beautiful individuals with a different set of hopes and dreams, let us learn to love and respect one another and get on with our own lives… regardless as to whether it includes a little one or not.

Filed under babies baby child children childless pregnancy pregnant love respect don't want children want children ttc wttc age old

2 notes &

Well I am pleased to announce that I have regained all the weight that I mysteriously lost in the first trimester without ever actually being sick (feeling sick, oh yeah, but never actually being sick!!). It might sound funny to be pleased about weight gain, but it was genuinely concerning me.

So here I am, in all my bumpy glory, at the 18 week pregnant mark (YAY ALMOST HALF WAY!!) and back to the exact weight I was at conception! 

Hooray! Now watch me catch up haha

Well I am pleased to announce that I have regained all the weight that I mysteriously lost in the first trimester without ever actually being sick (feeling sick, oh yeah, but never actually being sick!!). It might sound funny to be pleased about weight gain, but it was genuinely concerning me.

So here I am, in all my bumpy glory, at the 18 week pregnant mark (YAY ALMOST HALF WAY!!) and back to the exact weight I was at conception!

Hooray! Now watch me catch up haha

Filed under pregnancy baby bump pregnant 18 weeks

14 notes &

Thank goodness for French Fashion. 

I have been struggling to find maternity wear that I like, specifically a one piece swimming costume. I swim regularly and wanted something that would hold me, with all my blooming bumps, in and still look fashionable. I love keeping it local, but England has failed me terribly. So, in a moment of genius, I turned to France. Let me state that I speak French (I lived there for years as a child and it was one of my first spoken languages) but if YOU don’t, most of the websites that ship internationally have an EN (English) language option at the top of the page somewhere… and the few that don’t can be Google translated (God Bless Google).

So for any of you out there, tearing your hair out in frustration, let me encourage you to google the following words:

Grossesse        - Pregnancy
Maternité          - Maternity
Mode                - Fashion (use with grossesse etc)
Enceinte           - Pregnant
Maillot de bain  - Swimming Costume
Jupe / Robe     - Skirt / Dress
I could go on and on but use your Google translator if need be, to find the specifics you are searching for, or just browse around and you’ll learn new words as you go… shopping with a side of education! 

For anyone interested in the shots above:
~ (Black and White) Naos Swimming Costume by CacheCoeur
~ Red Dolce Vita Maternity Dress by Queen Mum from www.madeinfemmes.com (delivers to the UK)
~ Blue Lagoon Swimming Costume by Made In Femmes from www.emoi-emoi.com (which is an awesome website with very reasonable prices by the way and delivers to UK too for €10)

Filed under pregnancy fashion pregnancy fashion maternity maternity fashion french fashion france french pregnant swimming costumes summer red dress

1 note &

Preggo went for a run!

Well… Preggo went for a walk that had jogging bits in it.

I was really nervous, having read all about my ligaments loosening and joints softening and warnings in general about exercising whilst pregnant; But, after much researching I was feeling confident that I could safely (and carefully) do a spot of exercise that wasn’t pool based… Aaaaaand my legs didn’t fall off! I didn’t pull anything either (I don’t think!) and my baby didn’t prematurely plop out onto the coastal path. SUCCESS!!

Although, it must be noted that I feel a bit creaky and stiff tonight. My hips and knees particularly… I’ll keep an eye on them, take it easy tomorrow opting for the bike or the pool and see if its just me being a bit preggo-pathetic or if jogging’s out if the repertoire. There’s also talk of busting out the cross-trainer. I’m keen!

1 note &

A bump in the road…

Let me start by mentioning that I was the kid shoving the pillow up her top pretending to be pregnant at playgroup. I have always imagined myself as a mother and it was always going to be a priority in my life. You know how women, when talking about motherhood, say things like “I was never one of those people”… Well I WAS one of those people. I was the definition of one of those people. Even when hubby and I first decided to try, the first thing I did was shove a salad bowl up my top and ask how it looked. I honestly couldn’t wait for my body to start to change. I had imagined it as often as I had imagined my wedding dress (and I worked in a Bridal Shop through uni!) 

So finally my body is beginning to change! Horray!! This is the moment I have been waiting for all my life! The day I have been dreaming of! 
AND I HATE IT!!! I feel strange and thick and awkward. My clothes don’t fit and I’m uncomfortable. My boobs feel huge and I have a paunch. Not a big beautiful belly, not a lovely cute little round bump… a paunch, a gut. I look like I ate way too much pudding. My waist has all but completely disappeared and I DON’T look like one of those fabulous people who look lovely, normal and slim from behind to turn and see a little bump… My entire body has changed. 

On top of that, I feel perpetually judged. Women ask me how far along I am, look at my belly and then make a comparison to their pregnancy. I even had one woman say to me “Oh, you shouldn’t be showing yet!!”… I’m four months pregnant for goodness sake!? I have JUST started to show… and who are you to tell me what my body should or shouldn’t be doing??! 

As irrational as it is, because I know I’m pregnant, I feel Fat and I’m really struggling to come to terms with it. Maybe it’s hormones? Maybe it’ll get better once my belly gets bigger and less paunch-like? Maybe I just expected too much belly-loving of myself?

Maybe it makes me a bad pregnant person or maybe it makes me normal… I don’t know but that’s how I feel.

Filed under pregnancy personal pregnant hormones weight fat thin hormonal

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theperksofwaitingforbaby asked: Hey. Thanks for the follow! (:

Thanks right back!! I’m loving all these mumma blogs! Feeling a little less lonely every time I log on… :) love xxx

0 notes &

I’ve lost another pound. Bringing my grand total weight gain at 15 weeks pregnant to… Zilch?! Nada. Nothing.

I gained 4lbs almost instantly in the early days, seemingly mostly bloating, and lost in again by 2 months. As I neared 3 months, I had proudly and steadily gained 2lbs. I have lost those now one by one. WITHOUT trying!! I’m eating LOADS! Healthily in general, but certainly not low calorie or low fat!! Just focusing on high nutrient values? I’m a bit baffled as my tummy is definitely expanding… I’m starting to change shape? My bub’s huge according to ultrasound? Surely there’s also weight associated with amniotic fluid and placenta? I don’t LOOK thinner in the face and I’m still exercising lightly like before so it can’t be all muscle loss?

Help please?

Filed under weight weight loss weight gain pregnancy pregnancy weight gain pregnant help help me